Jenny recently split up with Darren. Alan has been in love with Jenny for years, and I convinced him to ask her out. She said yes. When he arrived at her house to collect her he gave her a bunch of crows. He took her to a restaurant where a jazz band played.

Darren couldn't care less about Jenny and Alan. This is his official position.







What did Darren do while Jenny was with Alan?
"I shot the f**k out of the clouds until the clouds were f**kless, and then I started kicking a car. I saw Mathilda. She entered the evening like a letter pushed through a letter box by an arsonist. She beckoned me towards her with her poking finger, the one she'd just been using on a dead cat. We're in love now. She's much better than Jenny. Jenny is a blister on a cut on a half-cat or a dead calf."