I think it was my old English teacher (this sentence will self-destruct in three words) who once said 'hobbitpling'. I was reminded of this one day when I was saying the word 'cat' for some tourists.

I gave the tourists a tour of the town. We went to the park where a never-ending play was being performed. The actors can be shaped like putty. When I was there with the tourists one of the actors was eight foot tall, and he'd only been half that height on the previous day. Someone must have been rolling him.

We watched the play until late in the afternoon and then it was 'was' when it should have been 'is'. The sense of time passing made me want to show them as much of the town as possible before the end of the day, but there wasn't much else to see. I took them to the street where the self-proclaimed king was counting his bears. The number of bears was still zero. He had everything he needed to give his bears a bath, should the numbers increase. There was also the possibility that he'd have to cull them if there were too many, or any. His bear-culling equipment was the town's biggest tourist attraction.

We ended the day at the edge of town, looking out over the fields. Dan and the rest of his motorbike gang sped past us on the road.

They looked as if they were trying to escape from something. They had been terrorising all of the local farmers for months. Earlier that evening they went to Freddie and Eoin's farm. They're brothers.

Freddie will fight anyone or anything, but Eoin always tries to avoid any sort of conflict. Freddie would have taken on Dan and his gang, but they were frightened off by Freddie and Eoin's grandfather, who was using his false tooth to eat a kiwi.

Grey  # 2:56 AM

My days have no night. I lost my night last week, and I've got nowhere to sleep now. I accumulate questions by day and I find the answers in dreams. The questions are building up. How many 'B's does it take to screw in a 'C'? Why does Vincent take photos of cows?

...Jack and Tommy were there as well. They sang a song together, or at least they started together, but by the end they were singing two different songs. These two songs merged at the ceiling and formed a sheep... ...The sheep started fighting with Len's pink elephant. The elephant lost its courage very quickly and the sheep chased it all around the pub, much to Len's embarrassment. He had been proud of the elephant. He'd taught it how to roll over and play dead. It would stay floating above his head until he was ready to leave the pub. I've never seen a better behaved pink elephant. The sheep kept chasing it over our heads. We got tired of looking up after a few minutes and we looked down into our glasses again.

Grey  # 4:21 AM